She Has Gone Back
She has gone back to the mental ward
To have Thorozene shoved down her throat
And I sit in the debris of dusk
Up to my neck in unshed tears
This an old story between us
The recurring chapter of our tale
She moves gracefully in the cage of another realm
While I limp with the wounded on earth
Holding my trembling hands to the hole
Where my heart used to beat
March 29, 1996
The heartbreak of this situation is so palpable. After caring for your loved one as they experience a mental breakdown, the act of finally admitting them to mental care is as devastating as it is a relief. You have to put so much trust in the healthcare system, the people, the process. You hope beyond hope that your loved one is not being abused, degraded, humiliated, disrespected. The very act of committing them is in and of itself, such a difficult decision. Often it is against their will, and therefore inherently feels degrading to their womanhood.
Your emotions are mixed with anger and resentment, as a part of you feels as though their breakdown could have been avoided completely. You wonder why your happiness isn’t more important than you loved one’s pride. The reality is, there are so many reasons why someone who suffers from mental illness might want to stop taking their medication.
My father’s poem here paints the picture of a man who has finally triumphed, in a sense, in getting her admitted. And yet, of course he’s lost so much in the process.
About Desmond and Poems Unrequited.
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